Star Wars Deleted Scene: The Interview

SCENE: INT: A COLD LOOKING OFFICE ROOM:

A MAN SITS NERVOUSLY AT A DESK LOOKING AT THE EMPTY CHAIR OPPOSITE HIM, HE SCANS AROUND THE ROOM AND NOTICES THE MOTIVATIONAL POSTER SAYING “FAILURE: IS NOT AN OPTION” ADJACENT TO A POSTER OF THE LORD DARTH VADER POINTING, SAYING “I WANT YOU”.

AN OFFICER WEARING A GREY IMPERIAL UNIFORM ENTERS, SITS OPPOSITE THE MAN AND STARTS CHEERILY SHUFFLING HIS PAPERS.

OFFICER:
Soo, you're here for the new radar post role then, is that correct?

MAN:
Er… yes, sir, I am.

OFFICER:
Goood, well your CV looks up to scratch and I'm sure you're aware of the role profile?

MAN:
Well… n-not really sir, the recruitment agency said it was just for an operator for a new imperial project.

OFFICER:
Of course, of course, how absent minded I am! (LAUGHS JOVIALLY) Well, obviously we have a very strict failure policy here, but there are also perks to working for the Empire. Obviously the main being that we won't kill you! (LAUGHS) - Just a… little joke there… not strictly true… as failure could lead to death by telekenetic strangulation. But great opportunities in that vacancies do come round quite often, with chance for progression, it quite literally is "dead mans shoes" as they say! (LAUGHS)... But basically the job entails watching the radar screens allocated to you and ensuring that no rebel forces come bearing photon torpedoes again! (BEAT) Would you believe they made that shot?! Into a duct no bigger than a wamp-rat?! Unbelievable! (LOWERS VOICE AND LOOKS AROUND) Between you and me, I think Lord Vader is trying to find the pilot and offer him a job! Alderan knows we need good pilots, these clones are all bit backward you see, too much interbreeding in my opinion, can't be good. (SIGHS) But yes the duct, hardly worth putting it in the next one really is it, but the idea is to double bluff! They'll never expect us to use the exact same plans with the same weakness! Smart eh? (TAPS HIS NOSE AND WINKS)

MAN:
Oh yes sir, last thing they'll be expecting.

OFFICER:
Anyhoo, we like to keep things quite jovial, helps if you're a bit mad! We're all a bit bonkers round here! We regularly play golf on Endor, do you...play golf at all?

MAN:
(A LITTLE CONFUSED AND NERVOUS NOW) Er… well… I guess I could…

OFFICER:
Splendid! There's the Empire cup every 2 durations, where the officers play the troopers - we always win, they can't aim for toffee!

MAN:
Sir... the job?

OFFICER:
Ah yes, sorry about that you do have to stop me, I tend go off on a tangent. Only the other day I was talking to Boba Fett about the time Jabba got a birdie on the 4th at Tatooine - Tatooine! I still can't quite comprehend that, sand everywhere it's a real nightmare...

MAN:
Sir?

OFFICER:
Yes, well you seem fine to me, just the kind of recruit the Empire is looking for!

MAN:
I’ve hardly said anything Sir.

OFFICER:
Precisely! Thank you for coming in, I'm sure you'll be hearing from us one way or the other... (GIGGLES) No I’m joking… or am I? (BEAT) No I am, I am… just go… now.


END