24

I love 24 but how thick is Kim? She just bumbles about from one tragedy to the next. Series 2, she's moved away to a nice quiet job as an au pair. For, as it turns out, a psychopath who kills his wife and shoves her in the boot of his car. Kim escapes from the loony with her boyfriend by stealing said car, to then get stopped by the police in a stolen car with a dead body in the boot. Now arrested, she bashes the cage in the police car separating them causing the car to crash and sever her boyfriends leg. She then escapes into some nearby woodland to get caught in a bear trap(!) and we hear coyotes howling in the distance. Now thinking she's going to be eaten, she's saved by a guy who lives out there who takes her back to his cabin - who also just happens to be a psychopath, who tells her that LA has been nuked and she'll have to stay in his bomb shelter with him forever. Escaping from this "everyday" situation, she then heads to a nearby 24 hour store, that is currently being robbed by an armed man panicking at LA situation - and Jack is supposed to be having a bad day?!!

I love when they say "I'm going "dark"", and by that they mean switching off their phone. "Dammit, Jack why did you go dark?"
" I didn't, my battery ran out"

McCartney vs Mills

So a while ago when this all kicked off I remember reading that Heather had said Paul had actually hit her with her own false leg! Of course, this is all a huge misunderstanding, the whole thing came from a drunken conversation when Paul said " I bet I can kick you in the head from here...."

Boss's Driving

My ex-boss was one of those guys who was academically brilliant, had more qualifications than I'd know what do with, but no common sense. He could probably tell you how plug worked, but ask him to wire one and he's buggered, know what I mean?
"Ken" was parked in the work car park, really small and he had a 7 seater people carrier. He got so close that when he came out he scraped the whole side of his car on the bumper of the jeep next to him, realising this he stopped. As he did this the panels that he'd pushed in popped out, now locking his wheel arch to the corner of the jeeps bumper! So he called a mate of mine (his favourite) to go help him, who rightly advises him to contact reception, and have them tell the guy whose jeep it is to come out. " No! We'll call the AA! They have a crane, and they can lift my car out of the car park, over the wall and on to the street!"
I spoke to the guy afterwards whose jeep it was and asked him what the message was that he got, he laughed and said "Could you come out to the car park, you're blocking Ken in!!"

The best was when his "favourite" disappeared for half a day, so naturally we all assumed he'd been given the day off - turns out he was round at Ken's house putting up an Ikea table and chair set that Ken couldn't work out!

He was driving once and his windscreen steamed up, he said;
"shall I put on my fog lights?!"
"I'd wipe your window personally..look"
"Oh God!"

Car Bumped!

I had my car hit a while back, just remembered this, I was turning into a car park and stopped as there was someone already turned half way in. Anyway I take it it was full because she reversed straight back into me, I had no chance of moving in time, there was the inevitable "crunch" as I banged on my horn. So we drove round in to the car park, I got out and at first couldn't see the damage cos I was panicking and looking at the wrong side! She was in a 4x4 and had cracked a rear reflector (!), so she comes over and looks at the spot where I'm looking and I say "that's weird, I can't see any damage,.. at all" to which she said "that is weird, usually mine comes off best" I thought... "usually?!"

Random Thoughts...

People are obsessed with diets these days, everything is "low" or something "free", look at the options; Fat free, wheat free, gluten free, sugar free, lactose free, non carb, non dairy, low GI, low protein - pretty much just water then eh? Go on, push the boat out - have some cucumber!

I actually saw a warning on an egg carton the other day saying "Warning, may contain egg" I'd hope so it's a bloody box of them!!

I have a friend with a peanut allergy, he plays russian roulette with a bag of Revels.

Girlfriend told me I was like a swimmer the other night, I said "because of my athletic physique?" She said "no, just wet". I do go to the gym a lot it has to be said, someone called me a narcissist once, I said "whoa! I've never set fire to anything in my life!"

I do try though, I do all the designers: Hugo Boss, Georgio Armani, Mat Alan.... I asked my brother the other day "what do you think of that Paolo Nutini?" he said "well... the jeans are alright but tops are a bit over priced!!"

The A Team

I loved the A team, it was fantastic weekend viewing - all that action, cars crashing, bullets flying, grenades - and not a scratch on anyone! But that's not the subject of my thread, how stupid was the Military Hospital that held Murdock?
Every week he'd be broken out, usually by Face in a white coat, surely they would start to recognise him after the first 5? And what do they do? Do they increase his security? Do they confine him? Nope they just take him straight back to his minimum security, ground floor room, with open windows and doors - they have a lot of trust in their ex-military mental patients with a history of escape. And how does he get back there? Do they eventually find him and bring him back? Does he go back of his own accord because he likes the meatloaf? Or do the others get tired of him and take him back? "Yeh, well thanks Murdock for saving us again, I can't believe we got caught again, and you managed to evade capture and find that chopper and fly in and save us...er again. But that landing, well could've been better, yeh Hannibal dropped his cigar, you know what happens when... no Murdock stop crying, you're just going to have to go back there until you learn to perform a full precision pin-point landing after you've just saved your 3 friends from a group of mexican bandits who seem to have military connections".

In fact, how did he manage to evade capture every week when the others were caught? How come he always just happened to be out getting the food whenever Decker showed up? He was a bloody informant!! He wanted the reward! He'd go off for the food, get to a phone box and dob them in, once he realised he'd have to give himself up to get the money he'd go save them and wait to try again next time! Crafty bugger!!

Gingers of the World Unite!

For ages now, people have been trying to convince me I have ginger hair - I don't it's just in a transitional period that's not blonde anymore but not quite brown yet either. I used to say it was strawberry blonde, until I found out that this is actually what ginger folk say when they don't want to admit they're ginger!
So anyway on one of the recent piss-takes I changed my tack, I said "Yes! and one day the gingers of the world will unite and fight back! There'll be me, Damian Lewis, Prince Harry, Julianne Moore, Mick Hucknall - in fact yes, we'll send Mick in first, preferably while we're all still getting ready - "yep, go on Mick, you go get 'em, we'll be there soon...""

Plus according to the tinterweb, Chuck Norris is ginger! And we all know about Chuck Norris....

"Chuck Norris, one man, fighting against gingerism the only way he knows how- roundhouse kicks and really bad movies - he is.... the Ginger Warrior."