Ever since Keira Knightley pouted those words in Love Actually, I've been intrigued by it. Banoffee, everything about it just sounds indulgent, and conjures images of a gooey sweet caramel-like substance. So recently I purchased some Banoffee Cheesecake slices, I won't say where from but they weren't just Banoffee Cheesecake slices...
So as the mrs and I are tucking in she says, "is there banana in this?" My reply, "Is there banana in a Ban-offee slice?" "Well is there?" "Do you not think the Ban might be Banana?" "Well it's just it tastes quite like those Banana Toffees you can get" "Yeh, do you not think that the word Banoffee is a bit like a combination of the words Banana and Toffee?" "oh yeh, I thought it was chocolate... what's Tiramisu then?"
Incidentally, they were very nice.
Monday, 13 July 2009
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Holiday!!
Greetings!
Just got back from the Canaries! The islands, not a swarm of small yellow birds hellbent on revenge for their ancestors being sent down mines to check for...anyway so I've just got back.
Nice break, lovely weather, good food. The flight was funny, after about 10mins as is customary the Co-Pilot comes on the PA and says "Ladies and Gentlemen if you would like to participate in our inflight entertainment today, we'll be showing you a trailer of the films available and the cabin crew will be making their way through the cabin with headsets available at just £2.50 each".
We were fine, we had the Ipod but nevertheless there then followed a 5-10 minute trailer of Quantum of Solace showing all the car chases, fights, explosions, making it look really good. The headsets were flying out, and about 10 minutes later he came on again: "Ladies and Gentlemen for those of you partaking in our inflight entertainment, we'll now be showing todays movie, which is High School Musical 3"!!!!
Brilliant!!
Just got back from the Canaries! The islands, not a swarm of small yellow birds hellbent on revenge for their ancestors being sent down mines to check for...anyway so I've just got back.
Nice break, lovely weather, good food. The flight was funny, after about 10mins as is customary the Co-Pilot comes on the PA and says "Ladies and Gentlemen if you would like to participate in our inflight entertainment today, we'll be showing you a trailer of the films available and the cabin crew will be making their way through the cabin with headsets available at just £2.50 each".
We were fine, we had the Ipod but nevertheless there then followed a 5-10 minute trailer of Quantum of Solace showing all the car chases, fights, explosions, making it look really good. The headsets were flying out, and about 10 minutes later he came on again: "Ladies and Gentlemen for those of you partaking in our inflight entertainment, we'll now be showing todays movie, which is High School Musical 3"!!!!
Brilliant!!
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Musical legends? Rubbish!
Media is a very powerful thing, I've touched briefly on it being responsible for making absolute nobodies into celebrities by insisting on telling us their every move and plastering them on the front pages for no real reason – Paris. But it also tells us how to look, what's socially acceptable and the topic of this column, what music we should be listening to. Now I realise that at the moment its cool to be different and like what society tells us not to, usually a lot of noise and shouting by male people who like to wear eye makeup, and are mad at their parents. But society still tells us who our so called musical legends are, did anyone decide these people were legends? Did we agree, or are we just going along with it. Take the Rolling Stones for example, they were big in the sixties, well so was British Leyland, if you were to stop now and listen back, were they actually any good? I think they were crap, and basically David Bowie's whole career, what was that about?! How did these people get famous, surely when people finally sobered up from whatever chemicals and plants they'd been devouring they realised it was complete rubbish. Kate Bush!! People say Mariah Carey communicates to dolphins when she sings, Kate was doing it 20 years before! What a complete load of drivel, I laughed when I heard Wuthering Heights I thought it was a novelty record! Rod Stewart, Do ya think I'm sexy? Funnily enough Rod, no, you are infact one of the ugliest people on the planet, and that includes Donatella Versace, and that bird from Everything but the Girl. But who will be the Legends of the future? Oasis? I bought What’s the Story? And was well into them, I still think that album was our generations' Dark Side of the Moon, everybody owned a copy, but essentially they copied the Beatles. Madonna? God I hope not, she just doesn't know when to call it a day. My money's on the Fast Food Rockers…
Police!!
I've done it, I've broken the law, I am now a criminal. My crime, the most despicable of all, talking on my phone, whilst driving….
I can see the concern here in that because I'm using my ears and mouth to have a conversation, I may spontaneously develop colour blindness and not be able to decipher the traffic light system. Or become so engrossed in my chat that I inadvertently forget all my years of driving experience and that you're not supposed to drive on the pavement and collect people in your grille. Of course the kind officers with whom I dealt with didn’t see it this way and said something about using both hands to drive, or whatever.
They caught me fair and square but I feel the handbrake turn and consequent chase through traffic with lights and sirens were a bit "OTT" considering the level of my crime. I saw them coming in the opposite direction, they saw me, saw the phone. I looked in the rear view to see them spin around, hit the lights and give chase, funnily enough I then dropped my phone. At this point I did what most people do and pretended that I hadn’t done anything and wasn't in trouble, I stared straight ahead, turned up my stereo and wound down my window (trying to create circumstances unsuitable for phone use to reason with later). I then did the surprised "who me?" sideways glance as the rozzers pulled alongside me to "persuade" me off the road. The only place safe to pull over was a car park in the middle of a retail park, surrounded by a McDonalds, Curry's and Focus DIY, and lots of shoppers. After it was made clear they would not be coming to me, I was beckoned to the car, and then redirected to the other side, and then to get into the back of the car. It was a big Volvo T5 meaning that to talk to the nice officers I had to hold on to the backs of the front seats and lean forward like an excited child trying to see the interesting stuff his dad did to make the car move. They asked why they'd pulled me over, I did think "if you don't know I'm not going to tell you" but common sense won the battle, well almost, I tried to blag it. "I bet you saw me answer the phone" "Yes you were on your phone" " I literally picked it up to say I'm sorry I'm driving, I'll call you back" "Then Sir, that beggars the question why answer to say you can’t speak?"
Shit, this clearly wasn't going to work. So after the textbook chastising and belittling about hands free kits, they gave me a ticket for 3 points and a £60 fine. I said was worried about the effect of the points on my insurance, this was the following conversation between the two coppers. "Well, IF you choose to declare it, it won’t matter anyway, I got 6 points and it didn’t affect me" "6?! Is that all you got, I've got more than that and mine's not affected"
I didn’t have any until you two jokers pulled me over! It's not a competition!! I thought "bloody hell I'm in Superbad! That makes me Mclovin!" And one of them was a fellow strawberry blonde, what ever happened to solidarity?
I can see the concern here in that because I'm using my ears and mouth to have a conversation, I may spontaneously develop colour blindness and not be able to decipher the traffic light system. Or become so engrossed in my chat that I inadvertently forget all my years of driving experience and that you're not supposed to drive on the pavement and collect people in your grille. Of course the kind officers with whom I dealt with didn’t see it this way and said something about using both hands to drive, or whatever.
They caught me fair and square but I feel the handbrake turn and consequent chase through traffic with lights and sirens were a bit "OTT" considering the level of my crime. I saw them coming in the opposite direction, they saw me, saw the phone. I looked in the rear view to see them spin around, hit the lights and give chase, funnily enough I then dropped my phone. At this point I did what most people do and pretended that I hadn’t done anything and wasn't in trouble, I stared straight ahead, turned up my stereo and wound down my window (trying to create circumstances unsuitable for phone use to reason with later). I then did the surprised "who me?" sideways glance as the rozzers pulled alongside me to "persuade" me off the road. The only place safe to pull over was a car park in the middle of a retail park, surrounded by a McDonalds, Curry's and Focus DIY, and lots of shoppers. After it was made clear they would not be coming to me, I was beckoned to the car, and then redirected to the other side, and then to get into the back of the car. It was a big Volvo T5 meaning that to talk to the nice officers I had to hold on to the backs of the front seats and lean forward like an excited child trying to see the interesting stuff his dad did to make the car move. They asked why they'd pulled me over, I did think "if you don't know I'm not going to tell you" but common sense won the battle, well almost, I tried to blag it. "I bet you saw me answer the phone" "Yes you were on your phone" " I literally picked it up to say I'm sorry I'm driving, I'll call you back" "Then Sir, that beggars the question why answer to say you can’t speak?"
Shit, this clearly wasn't going to work. So after the textbook chastising and belittling about hands free kits, they gave me a ticket for 3 points and a £60 fine. I said was worried about the effect of the points on my insurance, this was the following conversation between the two coppers. "Well, IF you choose to declare it, it won’t matter anyway, I got 6 points and it didn’t affect me" "6?! Is that all you got, I've got more than that and mine's not affected"
I didn’t have any until you two jokers pulled me over! It's not a competition!! I thought "bloody hell I'm in Superbad! That makes me Mclovin!" And one of them was a fellow strawberry blonde, what ever happened to solidarity?
Friday, 14 November 2008
A year on....
Well it's been almost a year, I'm still here. Look at everything that's happened; the credit crunch, the global bank crisis, the millions of people unemployed - and what was the headline in last weeks Daily Star? Britney's Sextape up for sale. What would we do without these important life or death updates? If we never heard about what doorway Winehouse had been found in, or how many drugs charges Doherty's managed to avoid because a sad, greasy, spotty and no doubt never had a social life or any kind of exposure to decent music bunch of students bought his album once. To be honest I'd be on google looking for the pics of Britney with no pants on. In this time of turmoil, maybe we need to divert our attention on the nobheaded celebs that we have made famous by insisting to give these wasters coloumn inches. The next one of which will be a Ms Baillie. She will be made famous by forcing the resignation of Russell Brand and suspension of Jonathan Ross - oh and the online sextapes and her porn work - but how dare Russell say he had sex with her and ruin her otherwise untarnished, pure, virginal reputation.
Do you know how many complaints were received at the time of broadcast? 4, just 4, and they were complaints about JR swearing, of which there had been a warning previously, so they should have been discounted also. Then 2 weeks after a media circus and people finally finding a scapegoat so they didn't have to talk about banks anymore, over 24,000 complaints were registered. To these people I simply say throw away your membership to the Mary Whitehouse fanclub, go out, find a girl, or a boy, and spend some time with the opposite sex for once in your life.
Aahhh it's good to be back...
Do you know how many complaints were received at the time of broadcast? 4, just 4, and they were complaints about JR swearing, of which there had been a warning previously, so they should have been discounted also. Then 2 weeks after a media circus and people finally finding a scapegoat so they didn't have to talk about banks anymore, over 24,000 complaints were registered. To these people I simply say throw away your membership to the Mary Whitehouse fanclub, go out, find a girl, or a boy, and spend some time with the opposite sex for once in your life.
Aahhh it's good to be back...
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Bored...
God I'm bored! It's amazing what you do when you're bored isn't it? Somehow I always seem to find myself on the internet, for some reason my mind thinks of things like; what happened to the cast of California Dreams? - Who cares?! - I wonder if they have a Pontiac Trans am on Ebay...- Why?! - Today I actually found myself on the Halfords website looking at Caravan accessories - I don't have a caravan, I don't have a tow bar, I don't even have a tent and I'm not about to start and get one. Sorry guys but any weekend that results in me hiking for half a mile, carrying a large plastic tub of human excrement is off my agenda. I'd rather watch Cricket, and that's saying something, what a boring game that is. I can't believe we have a game where you actually stop in the middle to have tea, and it can take up to 5 days to finish and still be a draw!!
I was that bored today, I could've watched Jeremy Kyle. Who is this joker? And which Psychology school did he spend a weeks work experience at? I'll give him his due, he's the only one who tells them how it is; "Your problem, is your a fat chav who can't keep your legs closed!" I could never hear good old Kilroy saying that! And just how bloody good is this guys technology? It takes the Police 4 weeks to analyse a DNA sample - he has it after the break!
Get a hobby? I have one, I play the guitar. I was in a music shop only a week or so ago, and I hate it because there's always someone who knows more than you or can play better. I always get really self conscious trying one out because everyone can hear what you're playing, and the guy who owns the place scowling thinking "if I hear House of the Rising Sun or Stairway to Heaven one more time..." Then in comes the 12 year old kid who picks any guitar up and starts jamming on it like Clapton, from one of these weird families who don't have a TV or computers and just sit round singing songs and playing instruments and being happy all the time - just like that band on this years X factor, "Incest" - sorry, "Same Difference". I've called them that from the start, I think Incest is much catchier and really captures their image, my friends have even started calling them it now, it's really taking off!
I was that bored today, I could've watched Jeremy Kyle. Who is this joker? And which Psychology school did he spend a weeks work experience at? I'll give him his due, he's the only one who tells them how it is; "Your problem, is your a fat chav who can't keep your legs closed!" I could never hear good old Kilroy saying that! And just how bloody good is this guys technology? It takes the Police 4 weeks to analyse a DNA sample - he has it after the break!
Get a hobby? I have one, I play the guitar. I was in a music shop only a week or so ago, and I hate it because there's always someone who knows more than you or can play better. I always get really self conscious trying one out because everyone can hear what you're playing, and the guy who owns the place scowling thinking "if I hear House of the Rising Sun or Stairway to Heaven one more time..." Then in comes the 12 year old kid who picks any guitar up and starts jamming on it like Clapton, from one of these weird families who don't have a TV or computers and just sit round singing songs and playing instruments and being happy all the time - just like that band on this years X factor, "Incest" - sorry, "Same Difference". I've called them that from the start, I think Incest is much catchier and really captures their image, my friends have even started calling them it now, it's really taking off!
Saturday, 10 November 2007
Networking? No thanks...
I enjoy meeting people, let me re-phrase that, I enjoy meeting people that I think I'll get on with and can entertain. I hate being forced into social networking situations -you know what I mean, the works' team conferences where some liberal, tie-wearing jobsworth thinks it'd be a great idea to split you away from people you've actually managed to find something in common with, and stick you with a bunch of suits who love nothing more than to tell you every detail of their job, and expect you do the same with as much conviction and vigour. I don't want to talk to these people, I'm not interested in their job or what their dog's called and I can't be bothered to talk about mine. These are not people I would choose as friends so why waste my time, I have as much in common with them as Shaun Ryder does with the Pope.
Likewise, if I choose to lose touch with someone or not contact them, the chances are there's a good reason. Then I get a message on bloody facebook. What is this crap? Everybody raves about it, my girlfriend spends hours on it, doing what, I don't know - I set up a page and sat saying "right, what do I do now?" and that was it, until I got a message saying I been bitten and was now a werewolf - what?! Then I got another saying I had bitten and was a vampire - I was werewolf a minute ago! Then I got one saying my mate had sent me pint, "sweet! Where is it?" so I clicked it "You enjoyed that" - did I? I never saw the bloody thing - and the first time I got a message saying AP wants a slippery nipple I wondered what the hell I'd gotten into!
I got myspace too, what a load of jokers on there! It's full of folk pretending to be celebrities, there are about 15 George Lucas' - well 15 teenage boys pretending to be George Lucas. One of them almost convinced me till I saw the message from his mate saying "Maths was shit today eh?"
Likewise, if I choose to lose touch with someone or not contact them, the chances are there's a good reason. Then I get a message on bloody facebook. What is this crap? Everybody raves about it, my girlfriend spends hours on it, doing what, I don't know - I set up a page and sat saying "right, what do I do now?" and that was it, until I got a message saying I been bitten and was now a werewolf - what?! Then I got another saying I had bitten and was a vampire - I was werewolf a minute ago! Then I got one saying my mate had sent me pint, "sweet! Where is it?" so I clicked it "You enjoyed that" - did I? I never saw the bloody thing - and the first time I got a message saying AP wants a slippery nipple I wondered what the hell I'd gotten into!
I got myspace too, what a load of jokers on there! It's full of folk pretending to be celebrities, there are about 15 George Lucas' - well 15 teenage boys pretending to be George Lucas. One of them almost convinced me till I saw the message from his mate saying "Maths was shit today eh?"
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